The End... ?

These days everyone is a member of any number of user submitted news feeds like Buzzfeed, Fark, Digg, and Reddit.  And everyone actively uses social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Vine and shares everything they find.  If one person has found something cool on Buzzfeed (or that gods forsaken shithole of a site, Pinterest) it then gets shared on Facebook... and then shared through someone else's tweet... which is then picked up by Fark... which someone will repost back onto Facebook... and so on.  It's the reason I didn't bother posting E3 2013 news because it was absolutely everywhere and anything I could have posted would have been ubiquitous by the time I got to it.  I say all this not with any sense of negativity: I think this is a great thing and a fantastic age we live in that everything from important news to funny cat pictures can travel literally instantaneously across the globe and be shared with thousands of other people all with a few mouse clicks... or finger taps if you're using a pad.

And that is why I no longer plan to keep this site up to date.  I don't plan to take it down or remove any content but I certainly don't have the energy to keep it up even as little as I did.  So, thank you to the 35,000 unique visitors that have been here.  I know that's not much in the grand scheme of things, but it's pretty awesome to me.

Grand Theft Auto 5 Official Gameplay Video

Portland Nerd Council PSA

2013 Tony Awards Opening Number

Once again, Neil Patrick Harris proves just how absolutely badass and talented he is in the opening number to the 2013 Tony Awards show:

Game of Thrones Red Wedding Alternate Ending

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

If you have any intention to read the Game of Thrones (properly called A Song of Ice and Fire) books or watch the television series then I cannot emphasize this enough: DO NOT WATCH THIS CLIP!  This is an alternate ending to this past Sunday's Red Wedding episode of the HBO show (hilariously done).  This absolutely WILL ruin not only this episode but every episode and book that comes before it if you have not seen it already.  Even if you think you might see it at some point in the future.  And if you're telling yourself, "I'll probably forget this down the road so I can watch it now before I see it for myself," NO!  DON'T DO IT!  You will not forget this and it will completely shred and destroy much of the series for you.

If you HAVE seen the "Red Wedding" episode (which originally aired on Sunday, June 2, 2013) then this is for you.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

Dancing at Summer Concerts

Some of you know I'm a huge Phish fan.  Summer tour doesn't start for another month but I'm already psyched.  Let me show you some of the ways I plan to groove:

Dance like a Bird of Paradise to Also Sprach Zarathustra (or Phish's "2001")



Maybe a little Moma Dance (or Black Eyed Katy)



Or how about a bit o' booty shakin' with Suzy Greenberg

Borderlands 2 New Playable Psycho Character

Just released 2 weeks ago, his name is Krieg and this introduction video of his is effing awesome:

Pacific Rim - Inside the Cockpit

I love that the giant human controlled mechs are called Jaegers.  The Germanic name reminds me of the giant mecha from the Front Mission video game series called Wanzers.  And it's pretty kickass that they are calling the giant monsters Kaiju which is what they have always been called in Japan (Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan and the rest are all called Kaiju).

Anyway, check out this "behind the scenes" footage showcasing the sets for the cockpits.


P.S. The name Kaiju should not be confused with the Kaiju Big Battel (that's not a misspelling) wrestling federation which is both awesome and hilarious rolled into one.

Korean Guy Loves His Take Out Food

Siri Is An Asshole

Ridd Sorensen's various "Siri and Me" videos from Vine compiled into one YouTube video:

Five Guys Burgers and Fries - Oh My Dayum!

There's a guy on YouTube (Daym Drops) who is known for his various food reviews - he buys food, eats it in his car, and reviews it as he eats it.  He's pretty fucking funny.  Anyway, this video below is following the recent trend of auto-tuning popular videos with hilarious results.  The song is pretty damned catchy, actually.




And here's the original video:



Full disclosure: I fucking love Five Guys burgers.

Man of Steel: Fate of Your Planet Trailer

FINALLY!  A Superman movie that, at its core, is a Sci Fi story with a protagonist wrestling with the notion of trying to be human while actually having the powers of a god.  FUCKING YES!

Releases June 14, 2013

Xbox One Reveal Highlights

I'm sure the console will sell a billion units in the first five minutes of its release later this year, but the gaming press is having a field day with trashing Microsoft from forcing people who buy used games into paying an extra fee to be able to unlock the game to forcing players to be connected online in order to play a new game for the first time so that the purchase can be verified... ugh.  Even Adam Sessler, one of the only people whose opinion I respect and value in the video gaming world, tweeted that any cheers that were heard during the reveal came from the Microsoft staff in one area of the audience and not from the reviewers or press that were there.  Eek.



However, to be fair, Sessler wasn't completely negative in his review of the Xbox One reveal:

Spider-Man Plays Basketball With Local Kids

Andrew Garfield, the current actor playing Peter Parker/Spider-Man, takes a break from the set of next year's The Amazing Spider-Man 2 to play basketball with some local kids while in costume.

What makes this video great for me is knowing that something like this would easily happen in the world of the Spider-Man comics.

The Wolverine Trailer #2

The Wolverine opens July 26, 2013.  The trailer already makes it look better than the steaming pile that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Is that Silver Samurai in there?  Or just some sort of nod to him in the form of a giant fucking Samurai mecha?

I Broke Surgeon Simulator 2013

You've heard me talking about Surgeon Simulator 2013 before, but you have to watch the following video.  I completely lost my shit about halfway through and I guarantee you will too.

Assassin's Creed 4: Under the Black Flag Trailer

Assassin's Creed?!  Pirates?!  YES!

Goal Celebrations

I dare you to try and figure out which of the following snippets of various soccer goal celebrations have been touched up a bit with computerized visual effects.  I don't think you can.

(NOTE: I'm from the Colonies so it's "soccer" and not "football" despite the majority of the world thinking otherwise)

Space Oddity by Cmdr. Chris Hadfield

Canada's most famous astronaut, Commander Chris Hadfield, just returned from a mission on board the International Space Station.  On his last day there, he recorded this cover of David Bowie's Space Oddity which just serves to solidify his incredible badassery.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Trailer

Here is the promo trailer for the upcoming television series, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which will air on ABC this Fall on Tuesdays at 8 PM Eastern.  Looks pretty promising, really.  The pilot is written, directed, and produced by Joss Whedon which, for us Buffy/Angel/Dr. Horrible/Avengers/Dollhouse/Firefly fans is a fantastic thing indeed.

Lego Casino Royale

Guy re-makes the opening to the 2006 Bond movie, Casino Royale, entirely out of Lego.




And here is a side-to-side comparison of his shots.

Gravity Trailer

Trailer for the movie Gravity which releases October 4, 2013.  Don't know much about the movie outside of what the trailer shows but what I see looks good.

Ender's Game Trailer

November 1, 2013 cannot come soon enough.  This trailer for the upcoming film, Ender's Game, based on the book of the same name, based on the short story of the same name, will cure erectile dysfunction just from watching it.

To be fair, there is a spoiler in the trailer that I won't point out but really wish wasn't in it.

Super Rowboat Man

Fucking.
Awesome.

I'm fairly certain my hernia had a coronary from laughing so damned hard at the ending.

Spock Versus Spock

It's really too bad that this is ultimately an ad for Audi, but this video that pits "old" Spock (Leonard Nimoy) against "new Spock" (Zachary Quinto) is so well done and so worth watching, especially when Nimoy sings... well... just watch.

Pacific Rim Wondercon Footage

Pacific Rim hits US theaters July 12, 2013 and I cannot wait.  This looks absolutely badass.

Steel Panther's Death To All But Metal

The mock-80's hair band, Steel Panther, just played locally about a month ago.  Wish I had seen them.  Check out this video for Death to All But Metal:

Why You SHOULD Drive Recklessly

Thor: The Dark World Trailer

Thor: The Dark World opens in the US on November 8, 2013

Hit Song

So, here's an awesome video that makes fun of today's hit songs:



And here's a video for a popular song (vid has over 22 milllion hits) that is EXACTLY what the previous parody is making fun of. All you need to watch is the first minute or so and you'll realize how on the mark the parody truly is.



And an oldie but a goodie that identifies how popular songs are all just derivations on Pachobel's Canon in D



Make sure you check out The Axis of Awesome's video for 4 Chords (I'm not allowed to embed it).

And here is John Lajoie's take on the subject:

Cat Scores a Soap Opera

If you've ever seen a daytime soap opera, even once, you'll instantly recognize how accurate this guy's cat's score truly is.

Patton Oswalt's Star Wars Filibuster

From Parks and Recreation - done in one take:

Call Me Scary

Have you heard Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" just one time too many?  Try these alternatives:

Call Me Maybe slowed down by 1,000% and it comes out sounding trance-like and pretty awesome



Call Me Scary - I'm pretty sure you will conjure Yog-Sothoth into being if you play this beginning to end

FDR: American Badass!

I am so far behind with my regurgitations... ugh.  Most of what I wanted to post in the past few weeks have already made their rounds on FaceSpace and the Twatter (no, I did NOT just misspell anything).  Anyway, until I get caught up, check out this trailer for the upcoming movie FDR: American Badass! which apparently came out last September.

How Chess Was Meant To Be Played

Awesome Old Spice Ads

Damn.  You'd think I was getting ad revenue for putting so many Old Spice ads on here today.  Whatever.  These ads are effing hilarious, especially the second one with the Watermelon.

Old Spice Wolfdog Ads

Wolfdog is awesome.

Slingshot Condom Machine

Description taken directly from the YouTube video:

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation offers 100,000 USD for projects that improve things around condoms.

http://www.grandchallenges.org/Explor...

"Application of knowledge from other fields" is explicitly called for. Bill looks for "attributes that increase ease-of-use" and designs that make it "easier to properly apply" a preservative.

Of course The Slingshot Channel HAS to come forth and help the visionary billionaire on his lofty quest. Therefore, this video brings to you the world's first condom applicator slingshot gun!

I love the guy's supervillain-esque laugh.

Earl of Lemongrab Feat. Will Sasso

I don't get it.  I know it has something to do with a "lemon compilation" that Will Sasso did, but I still don't get it.  Cartoon Network is using this altered version as part of a television ad for Adventure Time.

Like I said, I don't get it.  But it's so effing awesome and I laughed my ass off at some of Sasso's facial expressions.

Enjoy.

Taekwondo Spiderman

Kung Fu Grandpa Trains In Parking Lot To Fight Satan On Easter

The First Honest Cable Company

Tired of your cable provider?  This company just might be the solution:

Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain Trailer

The Wolverine - International Trailer

This adaptation of Chris Claremont's and Frank Miller's 1982 Wolverine limited series looks leagues better than the shitfest that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  Release date is July 25, 2013 (US).

Battlefield 4: First Official Video

17 minutes of gameplay video from the next game in the Battlefield franchise, aptly named Battlefield 4.  Check it out:

The Big Bang Theory Without Laughter

The Big Bang Theory is filmed in front of a live studio audience - no laugh track is used.  However, check out this edited video where all the laughter has been removed.  It completely changes the characters' tone and makes most of the conversation really awkward (yes, the pauses are the actors waiting for the laughing to stop but that contributes to the awkwardness).

Happy Easter!

Click to embiggen the awesomeness!

And the follow up by Reddit user Rich_Little:

Ender's Game Official Movie Poster

The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct Is Amazing!

The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct is a first person shooter based on the events portrayed in the AMC television series, The Walking Dead (which, in turn, is based on the comic book of the same name). In this game you get a chance to play everyone's favorite crossbow wielding zombie killer, Daryl, in a story that acts as a prequel to the television series.

If you get the opportunity to buy this game, please, I implore you to go as fast as you possibly can, buy the game, get it home, fire it up on your game system, and then proceed to hammer your balls with a meat tenderizer for 1 hour. You will get more enjoyment out of that act than from actually playing the game. Don't believe me? Here you go:

Star Trek into Darkness Final Trailer

Hits theaters on May 17, 2013

Ant Man Sneak Preview

First shown publicly at the 2012 San Diego Comic Con, the test reel for a potential Ant Man movie (based on the Marvel comic book character of the same name) was an enormous hit with the audience.  That reel was also what helped the project to get the green light for production.  The movie is due out in 2015 and is being directed by Edgar Wright who also directed Scott Pilgrim, Hot Fuzz, and Shaun of the Dead.  Supposedly, two Ant Man alter egos are to appear in the film: Scott Lang (ex-thief who eventually becomes Ant Man and a full fledged member of the Avengers) and Hank Pym (the original Ant Man - a scientist who discovers the ability to manipulate his size and also happens to be a wife beater).  Until it gets taken down, here is that sneak peek.  Yeah, it's been recorded on someone's camera... deal with it.  You're not going to see it any other way right now.

EDIT: Embedding has been disabled for the video, so here's the YouTube link.

Easy, Simple Golf Tips

Learn how to swing!  It's easy!  Here are a few simple tips to get going:




(Gotta admit: that shot *was* fucking amazing!)

Street Peformer Punches Douchebag

I love it when douchebags get what they deserve.  Case in point:

Evil Dead 4 = Army of Darkness 2!

The Evil Dead remake is not news at this point.  It's been discussed on many boards and sites across the geekier portions of the net.  Here is the Red Band trailer for it (North American release date is April 5, 2013):




The news that DOES have me giddy like a little schoolgirl is that not only are the rumors of an Evil Dead 4 true (a sequel to the original series having nothing to do with the aforementioned remake), but that it will actually be a direct sequel to Army of Darkness! FUCK YES! Read more below from IFC.com:

On March 10, Sony Pictures announced two new movies: a sequel to the upcoming reboot “Evil Dead” and another sequel relating to the original trilogy, unofficially known as “Evil Dead 4.” Sam Raimi will be involved in both films, producing the former and directing and co-writing the latter.

Coming Soon caught up with producer Rob Tapert at SXSW this past weekend, where he announced that “Evil Dead 4” would instead be “Army of Darkness 2.” This would imply that the new film is a sequel to 1992’s “Army of Darkness,” where franchise protagonist Ash (Bruce Campbell) was accidentally transported back to the Middle Ages and battled scores of undead enemies in his quest to return to the present. Like its predecessors “The Evil Dead” and “Evil Dead II,” the film received highly positive critical reception and has attracted a large cult following.

Tapert has made it clear that the two series will not interfere with each other, as the reboot contains entirely new characters. Bruce Campbell, who will reprise his role of Ash in “Army of Darkness 2,” added that the two franchises would be able to, “co-exist beautifully”.

The “Evil Dead” remake, directed by newcomer Fede Alvarez, recently premiered at SXSW in Austin, TX to very positive fan and critic reactions. It will be released nationwide on April 5, 2013.

BONER!

Asshole Gamer

The guy you met while playing games online who frequently has sexual relations with your mother and thinks you are a homosexual African American has been found:

A Lannister Always Walks His Pets

Reminder: Season 3 of Game of Thrones begins on March 31, 2013!

The Future According to AT&T in 1993

They.
Fucking.
Nailed it.

Kick-Ass 2 Red Band Trailer Is Freakin' Awesome!

Can't wait for this one to hit the theaters (August 16, 2013, in the US).

Get More: Morris Chesnut, John Leguizamo, Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jim Carrey, Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

Kermit the Frog in Politics

This is a video clip of San Francisco District Attorney, George Gascon.  While it plays, close your eyes for a moment and I guarantee you will see Kermit the Frog in your mind as you listen.

Game of Thrones 1995

What if the HBO series Game of Thrones (based on George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire book series) came out in 1995?  Here's your awesome answer:

Jay & Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie Trailer

Assassin's Creed 4 Black Flag Trailer

Yep. Pirates.

Iron Man 3 Official Trailer

Average Party - Movie Trailer

I really wish this was for a real movie.

Smeagol Sings Mad World

Gandalf the White

Step One: You Cut a Hole in the Box

Movie: The Movie: 2V

It's amazing how many celebrities agreed to be in this.



And Matt Damon is fucking awesome.  'Nuff said.

Darth Vader. On a Unicycle. Wearing a Kilt. Playing the Star Wars Music. On Bagpipes.

Don Cheadle as the Iron Patriot

A shot of Don Cheadle as the Iron Patriot in a poster for the upcoming Iron Man 3 movie (releases May 3, 2013).  Rumor has it that the script may be calling him War Machine.

Just Putin Being Putin

Last Weekend's Snowstorm

Last week's massive snowstorm nicknamed Nemo turned out not to be quite as devastating as originally forecast.  But then the following image appeared on the internet in the days following which proved the storm to be much deadlier than the media outlets are reporting.

O Fortuna Misheard Lyrics

Carl Orff's Carmina Burana, specifically the first piece called O Fortuna, has been used in many films and theatrical trailers over the years.  The epic tone evokes images of armored knights on horseback riding out to battle - perfect soundtrack for John Boorman's 1981 classic, Excalibur.  The following are the lyrics to the piece, which was originally written as a poem in Latin.  After that, check out the "misheard lyrics" version of it for an ever better appreciation for its awesomeness.

O Fortuna
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
egestatem,
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem.

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!

SpongeKnob SquarePants

Uh... yeah... so there exists a Rule 34 of the Internet which essentially states that if something exists then there is a porn version of it.  Rule 35 follows that up with the idea that if a porn version of something does not yet exist, one will be made.

In that vein, I give to you something I'm fairly certain nobody anywhere has ever asked for: a SpongeBob SquarePants porn parody. What follows is a Safe For Work, yet nightmarish, trailer.

Gandalf, the Kill Stealing XP Hog

How To Draw A Cat

Driving In The Snow At Night

We Are Cobra

Clever new viral video for the upcoming movie, GI Joe: Retaliation due out March 29, 2013.  The first movie was complete shit.  Well... except for Baroness. 

Knights of Badassdom Trailer

I'm pretty sure this movie will absolutely suck but I'm also pretty sure it looks like something I'll really enjoy on Netflix anyway.  I can't tell what the actual release date is supposed to be other than "sometime in 2013."



I have to admit that I enjoyed the homage to the original "lightning bolt" LARP video.

Upside Down US Trailer

From the Wiki entry: Upside Down is a 2012 French-Canadian romantic fantasy film written and directed by Juan Diego Solanas. Starring Jim Sturgess and Kirsten Dunst, the film is about a man searching an alternate universe for a long-lost love from his youth. The film was released on August 23, 2012 in Russia and is due out in the US on March 15, 2013.

Surgeon Simulator 2013

I haven't laughed this hard at a game video in ages.  This is some seriously hilarious shit:



Interested in trying the game out?  It's a free web based game that's essentially QWOP but instead of running you're performing a heart transplant.  Sound as awesome to you as it did to me?  IT IS!  You can try it for yourself right HERE.

"Bob needs his lungs because Bob is not a fish."

Disney's Lion King in 3D

One of the most emotionally spectacular scenes in animation history has been redone in 3D and you don't even need special glasses to view it.  And you WILL cry.

Street Fighting Tips

From how to disarm a knife wielding thug to disarming a gun toting jerk, it's obvious this guy knows his stuff and is ridiculously skilled.

How I Play Skyrim

YouTube user timtimfed shows us how he plays Skyrim, which is hilariously how everyone plays Skyrim.

F-16 Model Equipped With First Person View Camera

Fucking A this thing is awesome:



I want one.

Every Arnold Scream From Every Arnold Movie

Chris Rock on Gun Control

If your Facebook feed looks anything like mine, then you're probably just as pissed off as I am and just as sick of seeing all your friends use the service as their soapbox for all the dozens of pro and anti gun sentiments, quotes, pictures, and links that could possibly exist. I took an actual count yesterday: out of the top 50 recent status updates on my feed at 4pm, 78% (39 out of 50) of the posts were related to gun control - either pro or con. I'm tired of it. However, here's my chance to submit something but I'll do it here instead of Facebook where I'd rather see pictures of my friends' kids and read about their vacations... yes, seriously.

Here is Chris Rock's take on gun control just a few years after the Columbine shooting:

Ask Archer

"Uhm, Aaron how come you can't fuck off?"









"Oh, and also I was shitfaced."

Noon

"NOON" Short Film from Kasra Farahani on Vimeo.

Cyberpunk 2077 Trailer

Written into the same world that was established in the old R. Talsorian Games' Cyberpunk 2020 paper and pencil role playing game and designed by the guys that made the Witcher video game series, comes Cyberpunk 2077:



I have such a major boner for this but I don't think it's due until 2015.

160 Great Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

Some of my all time favorites:

"Here is Sub-Zero!  Now... plain zero!"

"I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!"

Both of those are from the terribly awesome must-see 1987 film, The Running Man.

However, the video is missing one last awesome quote also from The Running Man.  After seeing the character Fireball (played by the famous Cleveland Browns running back, Jim Brown) use his jetpack to find them, the female protagonist exclaims, "Jesus Christ!"  To which Richards, Arnold's character, replies, "guess again!"

And, of course, this brilliant gem from the same movie:

Folger's Ad - With One Addition

Just adding one quick shot completely changes the meaning and tone of this famous Folger's TV commercial:

Folgers Fail - watch more funny videos

Some Good Old Fashioned Nightmare Fuel

Carrot Top pulling some sort of Clown Harvey Dent shit
Fuck you, Carrot Top.  No, seriously.  Fuck.  You.